August 18, 2017

 
Right now… I am hiding in my room because my littles have the Sing soundtrack on full blast, the air conditioner is going full blast, the fridge is making full blast sounds, and they’ve added the musical instruments and huge drum to the mix.
 
O.m.g.
 
If I were down there right now I would be screaming at them to tidy up, calm down, slow down, turn down….
 
But I know they aren’t doing it to bother me.
 
They are just kids. Having fun. Doing completely age-appropriate kid-ness.
 
But to someone who is extremely sensitive to sound energy and noise I used to get triggered and then need to organize/tidy/control compulsively in order to try to calm the chaos I felt inside my body when I would feel triggered by so much stimulation, noise, chaos, multi-tasking.
 
Now I am retreating. I am learning. If I had an outdoor space I would absolutely be there, grounding, in nature. But this will do for now to drown out the chaos of three very active spirited childlike curiosities so I can breathe and allow them to engage, experiment, and play.
 
Sometimes Space is what we need.
 
I never used to give myself permission to take space. I used to think that made me a “bad mom”. I’m realizing you it’s a survival tactic of momming.
 
I am a “yes mom” as much as I can be. I want them to feel empowered to play and explore and nurture their creative spirits in both big and small energy alike. For me, that means, taking space so that I don’t get triggered.
 
Learning. Growing. Breathing.