How To Play With Your Kids Series – Tip #1 – Feed the Meter

Mommy, Mommy, Will you play with Me?

Hearing these words usually comes with a bit of biting my tongue. Even for me, the Mom who believes whole-heartedly IN the value of play. Even for me, the Mom who has built a career around designing Play things. Even for me, the Mom who believes that all human beings, including grownups, should invite PLAY into their lives more.

So why, then, when I hear “Will you PLAY with me?” do I have to bite my tongue? Why is my first (internal) reaction to cringe? Why does it take mindfulness and intention and a conscious choice to engage in such a basic human form of CONNECTION? That’s ultimately what it is.

A Bid for Connection.

A child asks us to play because their PLAY is the work of childhood. Because they are INVITING us into their WORLD. Asking these five simple words – to ME – is an honor.

It’s a way for them to reach out, pull me close, show love, and connect.

And yet, I don’t always interpret their words as an invitation to connect. I usually see it as a chore.While I am sitting down to play my mind races to all the other things I should be doing….or could be doing. I have a hard time slowing down my thoughts, my stream of consciousness enough to BE PRESENT. I think I have to direct what this interaction needs to look like. Or model something exceptional. Or teach something amazing.
And it feels like pressure…a burden…..when really,
PLAY is the JOY of childhood.

How do I turn off my to-do lists and tap into the peace inside my Soul that can nurture connection and the ability to
Show Up Messy and PLAY?

FEED THE METER. First I remember that when my

child asks to play, they are needing a bit more connection. They will play independently for a long while. But if they haven’t felt in connection with me because I have been busy, they are more likely to come to me with bids for playtime (or big feelings or tantrums or needing help.) Recognizing this is a first- line defense for them trying to get their need for connection met, is easier for me to pause, take a breath, get down on their level and engage. Dr. Harvey Karp calls it “feeding the meter.” When my littles are constantly having big feelings and I can’t quite figure out why….. I check our meter. Have I filled their Play Meter lately? Probably not. When we take the time to feed the meter, the day goes more smoothly.