I used to believe when you were in a relationship or got married, you joined together and became “one” —— That was the ultimate goal of marital bliss and romanticism. “two become one.”
I don’t believe that anymore.
That’s called enmeshment and it’s incredibly unhealthy.
I don’t want to become one.
I don’t want to be so encircled by you that I lose myself.
And I sure has hell don’t want you to become so encircled by me that you lose yourself.
Now I believe something more like …. “two become three” …
Each entity is incredibly essential to a healthy relationship.
There is you: where you begin and end.
There is me: where I begin and end.
And there is our between.
Our “between” is a separate entity within our relationship (both literal and figurative relationship boundaries) that needs just as much time, care, attention, and nurturing as each of our individual selves. If we don’t nurture each of the three separate entities, things feel out of balance – which can lead to frustration, resentment, and even contempt.
You. Me. We (Our Between).
Reading Getting the Love You Want
———— and ———-
by Harville Hendrix. Both extremely enlightening and empowering books about relationships and our stories within relationships ❤️