January 23, 2018

The Road through Recovery has Many Detours – Celebrate Them

It doesn’t look like much but this little carved out space is where Lincoln began his night last night. He has a bed in my room and either sleeps there or in bed with me. Right now, this is a necessity for him in connection, stability, safety. And I welcome the snuggles and morning reach “just checking” to make sure I’m still there. Last night he decided…. on his own accord and volition that he wanted to sleep in his “learning room” – where his real bed is. I entertained his request because he was tired and fairly convinced. It was different. Laying in this bed for nighttime snuggles, a story, a song. I could tell it was hard for him. But he wanted to be there so he kept his eyes closed, tossed and turned a bit before releasing into slumber. I left him after a kiss and goodnight wish – bittersweet. Sad and delighted with his growing and his growth. But reminded at what a huge milestone this is for him. I so much wanted to be out of survival and into thrival that I forgot about a very important step in between. It’s called recovery. I thought I wasn’t doing enough because I don’t quite feel “thrivey” yet. I know I’ve made huge emotional leaps and bounds and I have been able to pass this wisdom onto my children in bite sized bits. Intuitively I know what I needed. They needed. To create safety, stability, structure, predictability. While my life may not look as different as I would like it to – or I often urge myself to make it – I know that I am laying the solid foundation that is necessary for a thriving life. We are building it. Brick by brick. This is such a small triumph and victory. A tangible reminder of the work I’m doing. He is beginning to feel safe and comfortable enough to try new things – on his own – independently. He feels safe enough to be away from my bedroom – our nest these past 4.5 years. Where he was actually BORN. It may not be moving towards thrival as quickly as I would like…. but this phase can not be passed up or passed over. It’s necessary to lay the strong, solid, groundwork for building up, sky high. I am grateful for the tools and love and wisdom being passed along to me. Remember to celebrate the small victories along the way.

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