May 21, 2015

The Power of Living An Uncropped Life

Inspired by this post: Behold, the power of cropping by Rachel Wolf
Normally I try to get “the shot”. The one with the perfect light and subject matter hitting just the right angle, creating interest and intrigue; mystery and curiosity; capturing the essence of one something perfectly. I have come to realize that all this perfectionism kind of  misses the much bigger picture. The messy big picture. Because, life is messy. And life is too short to wear masks and facades in an attempt to cover up and hide the reality {the humanity} in every day life. 
So, I have been slowing down….way down. I am still tapping into “the shot” but am trying to soak in the messy life all around me as well. The rawness of my moments. The comedy in life’s imperfections. Instead of trying to control “the shot” I am trying to embrace the feelings, thoughts, and wisdom bestowed in each messy moment. I want to see it. All of it. Soak it all in. Breathe through it. Acknowledge my realities : however simple, big, messy, or beautiful they are….as just that…only that: a moment. And remind myself that those moments don’t define me. 
I am not perfect. 
Many of my friends think I am. Some have pulled me aside and said things like “you’re just so damn intimidating to me, as a Mom. You make it look so easy. How do you remain so calm?”
The truth is, I don’t. 
Not always. I am messy beautiful, too. I have big dreams and big fears. I yell. I shout. I cry. I stomp. I sometimes growl. I breathe. And I say I’m sorry. 
They don’t always believe me. Perspective taking, I can see how I might look zen from the outside. But inside I constantly question; berate; criticize; remind myself to JUST BREATHE (damnit!!).
… In an effort to remind myself that messy beautiful is okay too…in an effort to live my life more authentically … Over the past year I have been posting FaceBook posts about the messier side of mothering. The untidy side of being me. The questions, queries, and struggles that are very real to my story. And, you know what? 

You haven’t gone away. 

In fact, the posts about my truth get more views, more interactions, more Connection than most. That alone tells me that you need to hear the real life as much as I long to connect through sharing it. There is something human and powerful knowing that we are not the only ones going through the messier moments. We ALL have them.
That warms my heart in so many ways.
I would far rather connect with you over something meaningful and relevant in your life {however messy it may seem} than about what color nail polish you have on {though I completely appreciate a pedicure!!} You don’t need to put your makeup or your bra on to show up here. 
Tell me your stories. Your beautiful truth. I will continue sharing mine. 
Today I was working on a new recipe post to share with you. It’s yummy. It’s delicious. It’s vegetarian. And my kids ate it. 
But I wanted to share with you the chaos surrounding this shot. While I was making this delightful dish, my children were melting down and burning out the way the oil and garlic were burning on the stove. But I knew it was mostly out of HUNGER so I tried to remain cool while they screamed and tantrumed and I helped put each leg through pajama bottoms and hugged their little bodies {while in my head I was shaking them and pleading, please for the love of God stop screaming!!} But we made it through and dinner was finally served and now things have cooled off and here I am, reminding myself, of the messiness it took to get to the peaceful beauty of a homemade meal.
It seems so small, really. 

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